Conflicting Emotions
3 benefits to embracing conflicting emotions
“I feel so secure in my job, yet i’m still longing for something more or different”
“ I am so grateful for my friends and family, yet still feel lonely sometimes”
“ I feel rested, yet exhausted at the same time”
“ I enjoy being sociable, yet during my times with others I sometimes feel distant”
From time to time we all experience conflicting emotions - it’s unavoidable as they are an essential part of the human experience. However, when you simultaneously experience emotions that don't necessarily ‘fit together’ it can leave you feeling internally conflicted, uncomfortable, and uncertain.
Society further perpetuates our anxieties and unease by telling us that we are only allowed to feel one emotion at a time - that feeling otherwise will no doubt result in judgment and disapproval. Think for a moment about the rigidity this causes - instead of acknowledging that we are both excited and apprehensive about starting a new job, we guilt ourselves into believing that we should only feel excitement. You have mixed feelings about a conversation you and your friends are having. Instead of expressing your opinion and opening a dialogue, you shut down and simply agree due to fear of judgment or criticism.
Denying yourself the opportunity to express your authenticity, will lead to a far worse outcome than simply feeling whatever it is that you are feeling. It is so very important for you to recognize that feelings can coexist - there is no single feeling that is more valid than the other.
By reframing your emotions from an ‘either-or’ mentality to one that adopts a ‘both-and’ mentality, we can challenge contradictory emotions and seek to embrace them. This may look like -
an either-or mentality says - “I am gong on a first date tonight. I must feel excited or nervous.”
a both-and mentality says - “I am both excited and nervous for this for my first date tonight.”
You can learn to resist the temptation to reduce your experience to one emotion or the other. Believe it or not, conflict can be a catalyst for change, creativity, and confidence.
What are the benefits of conflicting emotions?
As you learn to adopt a ‘both-and’ mentality, you will see that much of your unease and uncertainty will be alleviated. Here are 3 benefits to embracing your mixed emotions -
Self compassion. Self acceptance is learning to accept and embrace the positive & less than ideal thoughts, feelings, values, intuitions, and actions that come with everyday life. Practice to embody all aspects of yourself and watch as some of that pestering internal conflict subsides and you begin to rebuild a flourishing relationship with yourself and others!
Reduced internal conflict. Once you accept that you can hold opposing emotions simultaneously, the need to suppress some of these emotions or try to understand which one’s are true, will diminish. As a result, you’ll be able to redirect your energy toward understanding yourself, accepting your experiences, and having better focus when making complex decisions - mixed emotions allows you the opportunity to review and reflect on your values and beliefs!
Enhanced emotional Intelligence and self control. Mixed emotions are a sign of emotional depth - your ability to view things from multiple perspectives is a reflection of your emotional intelligence. Your capacity to notice your emotions can be used as information - information that can help guide you to make decisions based on your values instead of trying to change or control your feelings or react on impulse. Mixed emotions grant you a greater sense of self-control and a deeper sense of meaning in life.
The ambivalence of emotions shouldn’t be causing you shame or unease - emotions are multifaceted! Society wants you to be emotionally single minded - positive emotions or negative emotions. Having a meaningful and purposeful life is not attained by having a single goal or aspiration. It takes a collection of opposing perspectives, emotions, values, and experiences for us to find meaning.
growgood psychology has a team of therapists that can provide you with a supportive environment as we help you navigate through your conflicting emotions.
Accepting these emotions can feel overwhelming and quite scary at times. When met with the right support, the journey to understanding and embracing ambivalence will feel much more attainable. Our team of therapists are ready to guide and support you through it all. Connect with us today to get started!